Every month or so my
Facebook goes a bit crazy with reposts of articles aimed at making mothers feel better for not being able to do
it all. They usually make me feel a bit better about life, because even tho I
don’t think I suffer too much from feeling inadequate compared to other
mothers, I do like knowing that other people are going through the exact same
struggles (or worse!).
I try not to waste
much time on feeling inadequate, so after the last plethora of “feel good,
Mum!” posts I sat around thinking of the activities I do with the children that
make me look like a super mum or could at least make other mums feel like
they’re not quite keeping up with the Porters. The main thing I got from this
little exercise was that all the things that I manage to do with the kids, or
in spite of the kids, are things that I am really passionate about. For
example:
- there’s a lot of
home cooking going on
- we go for many a
nature walk
- lots of trips to
festivals, museums, other points of interest (Tesco!)
- I’m as on top of the
laundry as someone with no dryer & only one air rack can be
- I still do my
embroidery (although not quite as much as before)
- I read a lot
Everything on this
list is something I love to do. These are activities that in one way or another
relax me. And, because they are things that I’m passionate about, they tend to
get prioritised and they tend to work out to my satisfaction.
I could just as easily
put together a list of all the things I cannot do as well as other mothers. I
may be a good cook, but when it comes to turning out beautiful baked products
please look elsewhere. I suck at keeping up with the housecleaning, aside from
laundry, and the house is always in an organised state of clutter (worse right
now due to the complete absence of storage BECAUSE APPARENTLY CLOSETS ARE TOO
MUCH TO HOPE FOR). There’s not a lot of structured learning playtime around
here, and if Emily has ever had some actual “tummy time” it’s because she’s
lurched onto it from her pillow nest when my back is turned.
The thing is, when you
start comparing yourself to others you need to be fair and focus on where your
strengths & passions lie. Rather than being depressed that my cookies look
like dog biscuits or my house never reaches that level of all rooms sparkling
at once, I speak to myself honestly and admit that those are just not my
strengths and, more importantly, that they don’t really bother me enough to
make them into strengths. I mean, why would I want to waste time learning to
decorate beautiful cookies when I could be reading a book or cooking something
tasty for dinner?
I also find that it’s
important to set goals rather than make plans. Every parent knows that the path
to happiness lies in being flexible when possible. One of my goals is to embrace
my vocation by trying to clean the house every week. It rarely works out, and
that’s why it’s a goal to aim for rather than a plan to stick to. I’ve found
that it pays off for my mood, and thus the mood of everyone in the house, if
things are clean & less cluttered. But if I’m forcing myself to do those
things on days when I’m exhausted because the baby hasn’t slept well or I’ve
been running errands or doing other important things, it becomes too much and
only makes the situation worse. So I follow my goal-plan for the week on an
hour by hour basis each day, so that I can adjust it with the flow of life.
Getting married and,
if so blessed, adding children to that mix is about embracing life. And life is
alive – so why spend time looking at one perfectly captured moment on
facebook/pinterest/a blog. It’s not the whole story, but a brief second in
time.
