a pass

David & I met ten years ago in a Latin class at the University of Victoria. Back in the day we sketched vague pipe dreams about driving around Canada in a converted van or bus, picking up work as we needed it and living the simple life, just enjoying experiences and travel and not having to settle down. Then, towards the end of our degrees, professors started encouraging us to apply to graduate schools. This started us on a path that led first to the University of Alberta, then the University of Toronto, and finally to the University of Cambridge. We’ve been walking the Grad School Road together since 2006.

Surrounded by his sea of books in Edmonton

It has not been easy. People who think that the academic path is some sort of charmed life, protected from harsh reality, know nothing. There have been times when we haven’t had more than $20 between us, or times when we’ve wondered if it would’ve just made more sense to stay home and get steady jobs and settle down. A PhD dictates your whole life. It’s a long time commitment, and we lucked out because at Cambridge it’s the same length as a Canadian undergraduate degree (4-ish years), whereas back home it would’ve meant 5 or 6 years. Every decision has to be weighed in the balance of the dissertation submission deadline. The back of your mind always knows that the clock is ticking. It intrudes on vacations, on weekends, even on evenings. It affects the whole family, not just the person undertaking the actual degree, and we have all had our roles to play & our sacrifices to make.

Quite the Gentleman Scholar in Toronto

But, inch by inch, we’ve journeyed towards the light at the end of the tunnel. And one day, not too long ago, I mentioned that Thesis Madness was over. The dissertation was submitted. Of course that wasn’t the end of the story – submission meant that it was completed on time. The next step was the defense, or in Cambridge terms, the viva voce.

Wearing Cambridge robes & enjoying a glass of whiskey in the Clare MCR

On November 5th the kids & I killed several hours in a chill & damp Cambridge, while David went and defended the past few years’ work. I admit I was a rather distracted mommy that day, my eye constantly on the clock, my ears straining to hear my phone ring. It’s one of those situations where you have absolute faith in someone’s ability but still worry that things could go wrong. And then, thanks be to God, when the phone finally does ring you get the best news of all – a pass.

Thesis Submission!

 When we met in 2003 I never would have thought that I’d be married to a Cambridge doctor. And if you’d told me that we’d spend the evening of November 5th, 2013, taking our two children into a fenland park to set off firecrackers, and then coming home to drink two celebratory bottles of cava, I probably would’ve laughed. But we did it. We did it, because David did it. Because my wonderful genius of a husband passed his viva and has been recommended for a doctorate degree from the University of Cambridge.


Do you even need to guess how proud I am of him?

7 Quick Takes (Vol. 5)

--- 1 ---

We survived Easter, barely. Holy Saturday was hard. I was really sick, Walter was still sick, and David had committed to doing one of the readings at the Easter Vigil, which at our church takes place before dawn on Easter Sunday (so 5am this year), and was sad that he was going to have to get up in the middle of the night to spend Easter on his own. But we had our Easter miracle -- a kind friend sent David home from the Vigil with a batch of homemade hotcross buns, so we had a special Easter breakfast. I sang Walter the Exsultet when I put him to sleep on Saturday which made me feel somewhat connected to the church universal, and by Sunday afternoon Walter's digestive system had sorted itself out and I was able to keep food down. By Monday we were able to make it to our favourite gastro-pub, The Old Spring, for Easter dinner. So it was very different from usual, but it ended up being a special family time nonetheless. And I am really enjoying being able to sing songs with "alleluia" in them to Walter again!

--- 2 ---

On one of our last days in Cambridge we took a family walk into town. After a few hours of walking we'd burned off our pub lunch & afternoon coffees, so we decided to pick up a snack from the sausage cart. It led to a conversation of the different types of hotdog/sausage street foods we've had in various places:

- BC: we don't buy them on the street, but you can get a really good kosher smokie from Costco. It's not specific to BC, of course, but we only eat them there.

- Alberta: The climate isn't really conducive to street food, and we couldn't remember ever consuming a hotdog in the province... that said, we were able to sample lots of delicious Ukrainian and Mennonite sausages at the Old Strathcona Farmer's Market so I guess that counts.

- Ontario: hot dog venders on Toronto street corners. We loved their corn relish, and the ability of the hot dog to help create sobriety between leaving university events & reaching home.

- New York: we went for the big guns and decided to try an authentic American chilli hotdog at Nathan's Famous on Coney Island. It was sad. I don't think we'll ever do it again. The pizza was much better.

- Berlin: Currywurst!! This is our favourite so far -- German wurst topped with "red sauce" and loaded with curry powder, served either with a roll or with fries. So good.

- England: sausage-in-a-bun. If it weren't for Germany this would be my favourite. Sausage in a bun just has a better taste than the hotdog and for some reason doesn't feel as dodgy. Nice floury bun, nice hot sausage, and lashing of diced onion & chilli relish. It was good.

--- 3 ---

David and I are sort of splitting the end of my maternity leave, except he doesn't get any pay to stay at home and look after Walter. It just means we can have an income again :) Anyway, Walter spent my first week back at work enjoying himself too much to nap. David says it's like Walter can't believe I would leave him & David unsupervised, so he feels he needs to cram in as much fun as possible. My first day gone, Walter laughed hysterically every time David went near him and wouldn't sleep at all. I'm really glad that they're getting this special time together and it's made going back to work so much easier.

--- 4 ---

Since it's still Easter for us Catholics, I'll post these now: my family is Ukrainian and my Gramma's house is full of the Ukrainian Easter eggs that she & her sisters made back in the day. Last time I was at Gramma's I was able to sneak some pictures:

Easter meets Christmas!

--- 5 ---

On Sunday I took David & Walter to Peacock's Tearoom to celebrate my annual raise. I've been trying to take David there for over a year so I was thrilled that our high tea lived up to every expectation. Although it's not quite as romantic as taking tea in an apple orchard, the food was superb and the gigantic list of loose leaf teas made our day. The English certainly have a knack for making a good pot of tea and whenever I am back in North America I lament the horrid, semi-flavoured water that passes for tea most places. Walter got to join in our tea time fun by eating crumpets & jam. He went a bit berserk and by the end of the meal he had jam all over his face & feet (having finished his meal he decided to suck on his toes) and bounced on my knee with the most devilish expression of glee on his face.  

--- 6 ---

Walter's been crawling since 7 months and is, as predicted, getting into everything. He climbs & pulls himself up quite easily, so he can effectively get around most barriers. The funny thing is that when he is tired he seems to forget that he is mobile. The other day he crawled away from me, down the dark hallway, and then sat there sobbing because he was on his own in the dark and couldn't figure out how to get back to mummy!

--- 7 ---



I've gotten my first 'normal' paycheque for the first time in about 6 months. This meant I could do the mature and responsible thing and create a household budget. I even used an excel spread sheet and figured out how to get the cells to do the math for me. Unfortunately, a pretty & functional spread sheet doesn't equal a pretty final result. So it's time to sit around and count my blessings (which is perhaps what people mean by that irksome '#firstworldproblems') rather than feeling we're still best neighbours with the Have Nots :) There's too much hope put on instant gratification, but waiting another month or so for a day-trip to London should only serve to remind me that I should be grateful I live close enough to London to make it a day trip! Still, for the present I think I am best served by continuing to read books in the vein of Little Women and The American Frugal Housewife, which will teach me to bear this season of tightened belts with the grace & composure of someone who does not need to find their happiness in lots of material freedom.

 

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

7 Quick Takes (Vol. 3)

--- 1 ---

Walter's visa got approved! Once again I am glad that I need to get back to the UK sooner rather than later, as it meant I could pay the "priority application" fee in good conscience. We had his appointment and couriered his application to New York on Monday, and his visa was approved by 12pm PST today. Certainly can't complain about a 48hr turnaround. For people like me who struggle with anxiety and impatience, paying the extra money means that we only suffer through a couple of days of obsessively checking the email inbox, rather than three weeks... in fact the extra fee is almost worth it for that peace of mind, except I don't like giving in to my anxiety!

--- 2 ---

For all those who told me not to worry about the application process, yes, yes, you were right. Yes, I am too pedantic and read way too much into things. But aside from having my paperwork in order, and sayings loads of prayers, I think what cemented his application getting approved is the picture he sent in for his visa:

"Please Mr Visa Officer, let me into your country so that I can be with my daddy"

--- 3 ---

Walter and I are spending this week in Victoria, visiting David's family. So it's a bittersweet trip, because it's the last time we'll see them (or be in Victoria) for several months.On Tuesday we went for a walk along Willows Beach and Walter got to try a swing out for the first time in the playground overlooking the ocean. He was in hysterics of joy. I was also full of joy, because it's not every day that one gets to swing their infant son in a park at the edge of the ocean!

--- 4 ---

We're halfway through Lent and I'm finding it quite interesting this year. Mostly, I am absolutely sucking at fasting & abstinence. For various health related reasons, as well as out of consideration to non-Catholic family who cooks for me, I can't always have a completely meatless Friday. On top of that, also for health related reasons, I find that I'm sometimes consuming the food product I gave up for Lent. I don't feel guilty about it or anything, but still think it's too bad that I've not been able to keep to my fasting & abstinence as much as I wanted to. On the plus side, and the more important side, I've found this Lent to be much more spiritually refreshing than Lents in years past. Between daily meditations, the conclave, and the "adopt a Cardinal" program I've been spending a lot of time in prayer and reflection. All in all, it's been good thus far.  

--- 5 ---

After talking to his sister Sarah, I learned something very loving that David had done for me years ago: One night, when we were living in Edmonton, our couch erupted with beetle larvae. I learned this when a panicked David woke me up at 3am and asked me to help in carry the couch outside. What I just learned is that apparently he first called his sister & her then-boyfriend and had asked them to come over and help him get the couch out so that he wouldn't have to wake me up. Living a several blocks away, and given that the time was 3am, she said no. But I am rather touched that he was so concerned about my sleep that he would bother harassing his sister first!

--- 6 ---

After his bout of sickness, Walter seems to have forgotten how to sleep for a decent length of time at night. He keeps waking up every 3 hours or less, usually for food. Does anyone have any good ideas of how to get him back to somewhat normal (which for him was usually sleeping until 5am, drinking a bottle, and returning to sleep)? For awhile there he was getting really good at putting himself back to sleep, but that seems all shot to hell now and I'm not super keen on just leaving him to cry.

--- 7 ---

Speaking of waking up babies, one thing that might help him sleep is if I could shake this horrible throaty cough that is now lingering on three weeks after we first came down with The Cold from Hell. It's slowly getting better during the day, only to return at night with a vengeance. It's that horrible dry, catching feeling you get in your throat when it's all disgustingly phlemgy and you can't clear it and even breathing irritates it and you keep choking on air. I can't believe how severe this winter cold was and I really can't wait for it to be over!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Up to Walter's Sixth Week

Lots going on! Sometimes I’m ridiculously stressed and other times it’s ok. So here’s what’s happening:

- We’re having to leave our college accommodation on September 23^rd, so we decided to use it as an excuse to do some extended traveling (and working for David). We’re heading to Aberdeen in Scotland for a week to visit our good friends Pippa & Andy for a week and then we’re heading off to Berlin for 2 months (October & November). I’m really hoping that after that we’ll be able to come to Canada to visit family & friends, but we need to wait and see how often/when David has to be back at Cambridge for the last bits of his PhD. 

Pippa, Andy, & David at Wimpole Estate last year. We were chasing sheep.

- I’ve spent the last 5 weeks taking care of Walter, finding a place to live in Germany, organising paperwork (yuck yuck yuck) and figuring out what to do with our stuff. Now I’m packing. Fortunately Walter enjoys watching me pack. I feel bad for the little guy as instead of playing “this little piggy” with his fat little toes or assembling all sorts of bright coloured spinny things for him to watch and play with he instead gets to watch me bubble wrapping china and putting books into boxes. It’s educational at least! I tried to entertain him by spinning Christmas tree ornaments in front of his face. He wasn’t amused.

- For the first time in my life I’ve had to buy boxes for a move. This disgusts me. I have to pay for cardboard! But it’s been slim pickings to get them in Cambridge and, after a discussion with our moving company, we decided that it would be the more prudent option for long term storage / international shipping. In fact it’s only the thought that we may have to ship the boxes to another country that has consoled me on this.

- I bought a Baby Hawk mei-tei carrier for Walter. I thought it would be ideal. He likes being held and I like using my arms. We could combine our loves! I tried putting him in it this morning. He screamed so loudly you would’ve thought that I was murdering him. Then again he was in a fussy mood and the only thing that was getting any form of approval from him was being carried so that he could see over my shoulder and shriek at The Lamp.

- Walter is fixated on The Lamp in our bedroom. He stares at it. He babbles at it. Occasionally he shrieks at it. Sometimes he cowers from it and whimpers. If I turn it on and off he chortles (in a way that suggests he’s impressed that mummy can master The Lamp). I’m not sure if The Lamp is his enemy, friend, or if, like David suggested, he thinks the lamp is God. It’s not even a nice lamp. I feel really bad that the one thing in the place that he’s formed an attachment to doesn’t even belong to us so he’ll have to leave it behind.

The Lamp

Walter

 

VS

- I used to wonder how I’d manage at raising a little boy, instead of a little girl. Obviously David would know how to play like a boy, but would I? Thanks to growing up with a baby brother I’m realising every day that it’s going to be AWESOME. Having Walter is like getting to relive my childhood with John, if that makes sense. So not only do I get to have fun with my little son, I get to feel like my brother is here.

Me & Johnnykins, c1990

- Walter loves music so I’ve been utilising that with the packing / internetting that I’ve had to do. He really likes ska & reggae, particularly Desmond Dekker. He bobs his head in time to the music and makes giant baby grins at me when I sing along to “The Israelites”. He also likes a good portion of The Incredible String Band, especially “Black Jack Davie" (we hold hands and 'dance' to it while singing along). And fortunately he also loves it when I sing. Sometimes I think he’s trying to sing along, as he sort of coos along with me with longer noises than when we’re chatting.

 

- And to finish this off, if you can’t tell I’m absolutely enamored with my little boy. These past six weeks have been incredibly challenging but also amazing. Happy six weeks old, little man!

Christmas

Both this blog and my personal journal are horribly behind when it comes to capturing all the big events we’ve had this year. Even so, I keep feeling that I haven’t done anything. Yet when I look back I find that I haven’t even said much, or anything, about the Christmas season. It was a big year for us but celebrations were kept to a minimum as I did not have the energy to do much. 

A little bit of decorating...

Fairy lights always brighten up the grey months.

The tree is definitely *not* moving with us, but my special foil star is!

My favourite Christmas cookies. I spent the weekend making them whilst David was at Windsor.

David had a big birthday, but with our friends and family either gone for the holidays or stuck in Canada we just had a private celebration (we’re hoping to get to Canada for a visit after he is granted his PhD and then we’ll have a big party to ring in everything). Prior to Christmas, he at least got to spend a weekend away at Windsor Castle as part of his scholarship. He stayed at Cumberland Lodge, which featured in both The Kings Speech and in the actual abdication (his room was above the room where the abdication message was broadcast). We had a very spoiled Christmas morning, especially once we started opening the big packages that came from our families. 

 

My husband also took his thoughtfulness to a new level, giving me a beautiful cameo of the Madonna & Child.  

 

David oversaw most of the Christmas dinner cooking, as I was struggling to feel up to cooking. He did a great job, following a Gordon Ramsey recipe for his goose. 

It's not burnt--that's just carmelisation from the honey sauce on it :)

Christmas Dinner--our dear friend Anne joined us

Boxing day saw our usual tradition of going out to see a movie. New Years was also very quiet—we had been planning to go up to the highlands with a few of our friends, but between saving money for the baby and my total lack of energy we decided to keep a low profile.We kept our usual tradition of the New Years Day brunch, and managed a spot of good luck in the walk home where we saw a water rat out for a morning stroll in Jesus Ditch.

Ratty!

It was strange to think that this would be our last Christmas in this little flat, and also our last Christmas with just the two of us. Next Christmas so much will be different, and it reminds me of how glad I am that I did not know my last Christmas with my family would be the last in that form. It is too easy to spend time mourning what has not yet passed.

The highlight of the Christmas season for me was my Christmas present to David (and myself)—two tickets to go see La Traviata at the Royal Opera in London. My boss let me rearrange my work hours so that I could get to London in the late afternoon, and the opera was on a Friday which meant that I could just relax and enjoy the evening without dreading how tired I’d be the next day. We had a great pub supper (I found food I could eat! This was an accomplishment!) and then browsed in a few antiquarian bookstores on our way to the opera house. The opera experience was marvelous. Being the Royal Opera, even the stage curtains have the Queen’s monograph on them. The sets were incredibly intricate and involved actual changes, not just rotations, between scenes. The costuming was superb. The dress worn by Violetta for the opening ball scene was incredible—snowy white and glittering with hundreds of crystals. And of course the music was good too (it’s one of my favourite operas). There was champagne at intermission, and that gave me a chance to snoop and see the extravagant amounts they were charging for sandwiches (£11 for a little tray!). I was surprised at how under-dressed most of the London crowd was, compared to my opera outings in Canada. Many people had clearly just come from work. It at least meant I did not feel under-dressed as I had worn a nicer-than-usual outfit to work that day, but certainly no ball gown.

It was the best experience I’ve ever had at the opera. I had been somewhat apprehensive beforehand, because my Toronto opera experiences were always such a disappointment. It was nice to know that I could go to an even bigger (and better) city and get the opera experience I want, not some modern artsy interpretation. Seeing David’s face when he opened his opera ticket package on Christmas morning was also priceless, as I had spent several months telling him that it was nearly impossible to get affordable seats at the Royal Opera as we had missed purchasing when the season opened so it might be one of those things on our ‘to experience’ list that we’d have to forgo.